I just read the dumbest article on MSN. I absolutely love the Lifestyle section for these kinds of articles. You know the type: 5 Ways to Know He’s Cheating, What He Doesn’t Tell You About His Sexual Fantasies, 10 Ways to Please You Man/Woman, and all that other stuff that belongs in next month’s issue of Cosmopolitan. Today, I was directed to yet another of these entitled: Seven Signs He’s About to Propose. I thought…hmmm…I wonder if Izzy falls into any of these categories.
Only one way to find out:
1. He's Growing out of His Bachelor Ways
You can tell his bachelor days are behind him when his number one priority is no longer himself. If he's constantly using terms like "we" and "our," and plans for a weekend with the guys in Vegas are suddenly on the back burner while weekend picnics with you are becoming more common, he's probably not just sick of his buddies. He might've realized that he prefers a more settled lifestyle, and this transition puts him squarely on the path to proposing.
My response: sure, maybe. It could also mean he’s just grown up and grown out of that douche-bag college frat boy phase. I’m told some people find that charming. Who these people are, I don’t know, but I am assuming they are none other than immature snotty sorority sisters. Both groups deserve to live on another planet.
2. He's Redecorating
You may also notice certain items have disappeared from his pad, like his college posters and Star Wars memorabilia. Did he ditch that ugly brown chair for a nice new couch? It could be the start of major changes — your boyfriend is making room in his life for you, both physically and emotionally.
My response: I’m a little confused by this one. I would like to know what this guy is doing proposing to his girlfriend when they haven’t even lived together. I think this is why the divorce rate is so high. People hardly spend time doing a trial-live-in with each other before jumping into marriage. Move in together first…fight over where which painting will go on which wall, argue about the toilet seat being left up, bicker over who will wash the dishes, spend time being the one who refuses to clean in order to prove a point which never gets proven, fight over who gets to use the computer first, whose TV program gets recorded when both come on at the same time. Live together long enough to fart in each other’s presence without batting an eye, live together long enough where HE is no longer terrified of HER menstrual products.
I’m no relationship expert, seeing how I’ve only been in one, but I’m not dumb enough to marry a guy I’ve known for a month. Please! That only works for few couples. Izzy and I have lived together for almost 4 years and we are still trying to figure each other out. From the moment we moved in, we have compromised on décor. Usually, he leaves it up to me, but we still must consider together the best place to hang a certain picture on the wall. I still don’t see a ring on my finger.
3. He's Curbing Big Purchases
Has your boyfriend gone from big spender to scrooge? The plasma screen TV he'd been planning to buy isn't hanging over his mantel, and instead of buying rounds of drinks at happy hour after work, he's home cooking dinner. No, he's not training for Top Chef; he's started to eliminate frivolous spending to brace for a large down payment (on your ring). And it's not just the jewelry he's saving for — he may be putting away money now so that the two of you will be comfortable well into the future.
My response: Izzy cooks because he likes to. He’s good at it too. Why does this mean he’s about to propose? Maybe he finally woke up and realized “Oh shit, I don’t have any more money! Maybe I ought to save up for a house or a new car!” And why the hell would an engagement ring cost as much as a plasma TV? Seriously, women can be so full of themselves sometimes. How inconsiderate to expect such an expensive ring. I thought marriage was about joining together two people who love each other and not about how expensive the ring is? Another reason, perhaps, for the high divorce rate.
4. He's Not Complaining About Weddings
While at a wedding together, it's more than just the usual eagerness for an open bar. He's not cracking jokes during the vow exchange — he's commenting on the couple's first-dance song choice and the meal selection. Take it as a sign that he's paying attention to all things wedding-related because matrimony is on his mind.
My response: This kinda goes in with #1. Only a douche would crack jokes during the vow exchange. Unless they made their own vows, in which case, I’d probably be snickering also. For a traditional vow exchange, joke-cracking would signify intense immaturity. Made-up vows, in my opinion, are quite embarrassing to listen to. Especially when poetry comes into play. Commenting on the dance song? Who does that? At my sister’s wedding, it was so awkward watching her dance with her new husband that I couldn’t even tell you what song was playing. The meal selection? Why is it that everyone thinks a guy is going to propose when he turns into a girl? Who wrote this article? Probably a woman, which is why it makes no sense and reads like a chick flick.
5. He's Taken an Interest in Your Jewelry
Has he been complimenting your great ability to accessorize? Snooping around in your jewelry box? Holding your hand, constantly? All kidding aside, when your favorite ring goes missing, you'll know for sure that he's trying to find a covert way to figure out your size.
My response: Izzy has bought me several pieces of jewelry. He was forced into getting me a pair of earrings he thought were heinous. He likes me to wear only the best. Not because he’s about to propose, but because he likes to show me off like a champion poodle. I need to glitter. He even decides which shade of lipstick I ought to wear and whether or not my shoes actually go with my outfit. I haven’t seen any ring on the rise, despite all my obvious hints at which one I want him to buy me. To be honest, neither of us even knows my ring size.
6. He Wants to Meet the Parents
Okay, so he's probably already met your parents. If he hasn't and has become insistent on meeting them, it's probably for a good reason. But if he already knows them well and has become the first to RSVP for your nephew's birthday party, jumps at the chance for a weekend visit with your parents, or, even more telling, tries to plan outings for both your families to hang out together, he's ready for the next step.
My response: WEIRD! Izzy met my mom before I dated him. Now, I understand circumstances were much different because he and I were friends first. But if I date a guy and then he asks to meet my parents, I’m not going to assume he’ll ask me to marry him immediately after. How freaking weird! I would hope that if he is serious about dating me, meeting my parents would be nothing. Erin’s fiancé made a big show to my mom when he met her, which I thought was so silly. Maybe I just don’t understand the rules of society. I expect when I meet someone, regardless of their parental status, that we would be able to engage in some form of discussion without the need to impress.
7. He's Acting out of Character
You know his daily routine inside and out, and any variation is enough to give you pause. If he's super-insistent that you guys do something you never do (like take a walk through a park or drive to a place to watch the sunset), he may be setting you up to speak those four little words: "Will you marry me?" After all that hard work, be sure to make it easy on him and say "yes!"
My response: I have often wondered if some of the crazy things Izzy has suggested we do all of a sudden (like drive to the moonlit beach at 11:00 pm) was going to lead to a proposal. It hasn’t yet. Sometimes, he just wants to do something fun and new. Women need to stop leaping to conclusions and dreams of a proposal because otherwise it will just lead to disappointment and resentment. Why can’t women just chill and have fun and stop worrying about whether this guy or that is going to propose? Live a little, eh?
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